Tuesday, October 11, 2011

Tuesday's Tip: Break the Cycle

Break the cycle.

Not so very long ago, in a land not so very far away, lived a sad girl who was with the wrong guy. Everyone knew it. People whispered about it behind her back. Family members called meetings and even staged mini interventions to warn her. Within the first few weeks of dating, she was crying over things he said to her yet she stayed. Within the first few months, she ended up with a baby in her belly and heavy sadness in her heart. Friends told her that she should leave and raise the baby alone. Sadly though, being pregnant and having low self esteem as well as a strict Catholic upbringing (Catholic guilt, anyone?) pretty much left her no choice but to marry him.

Once she was married, her family was bound and determined that this marriage would last. Divorce was not an option in their world. Throughout the years, she tried to make the best of it. He would tell her she was fat (even using the cruel nickname of "Bigs McLarge Huge") so she would try to work out. Instead of being supportive, he would make fun of her as she tried to run or lift weights. Every time she would try to leave, her family would rally around, saying that she wasn't a good Catholic if she couldn't make this work. And the crazy thing about that was that he didn't believe in God and continually made fun of her for doing so. 

By about the 3 year mark, she was finally broken. She started to believe every negative word that was said about her. And instead of trying to change her situation, she settled into an unhealthy lifestyle of fast food, lethargy, and fighting. She turned to food to heal the brokenness inside of her. The more she ate, the better she felt and sadly, the larger she got. It was a terrible cycle and it needed to end.

And it did. Finally. Sparing you of a lot of long drawn out details, she eventually started working at a job when she was in a power position. This, along with a Bible study she joined, were just the right combination to empower her to do something about her situation. She started believing in herself and knew what she had to do. She asked him to leave and never even considered that they would reconcile. She made her family upset with her decision. She made her son upset with her decision. She rocked everyone's world with her choice. But, it was her life and she needed to live in a world where she wasn't afraid of the next time he would get angry...a world where she didn't have to hear every terrible thing about her repeated in arguments...a world where she was surrounded by people who treated her the way she deserved to be treated.

Hit fast forward and you'll find that our sad girl is no longer sad. She is a happy, healthy Mom of three wonderful kids, has an amazing husband, loves her family, her friends, her faith and is currently writing a blog about exercise and motivation. Who would have thunk it, right?

I have friends who are caught in many forms of unhealthy cycles, and I truly wish that they would find a way to believe in themselves. Situations are not going to get better by sitting around waiting for them to do so. And sometimes, drastic action is necessary to make change. 

God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change, 
the courage to change the things I can, 
and the wisdom to know the difference.


  1. You are a smart, beautiful woman and I'm so glad you are my friend. I love you madly.

  2. I love you, Maria!! Thank you for being an inspiration to all women and moms alike to try to strive to be the best person they can be!

  3. You go girl!! You have overcome so much. You found your mojo and have become such a strong role model!!!

  4. this post is defamatory and libelous. please consider this a notice to remove it immediately and post a retraction. You have 24 hours before legal action will be taken against you.

  5. I love this story or overcoming obstacles. I don't know PP but there is no way to tell from this blog who the subjects are. Props to Maria for well done storytelling. Love you girl.

  6. @nrhm

    just so you know, and maybe so Maria knows, PA law does not require that someone post a name identifying the person in order for them to be responsible for defamation and libel.

    It only requires that a reasonable person would be able to defer who the subject is.

    Since Maria identifies herself in the posting by switching from referring to “her” (alleged victim, ex-wife) to “I”, she identifies herself female subject of the article. (Paragraph 5). Additionally, she identifies the subject as a “mother of three… currently writing a blog about exercise and motivation”, further lending to the inference that she is the subject. (Paragraph 4). Pennsylvania law does not lend protection to an individual who changes a statement to a third person recollection. Maybe Maria should just stop the drama and remove the post as requested. There are other ways to get the point of overcoming obstacles across without defaming the father of your son.

  7. Maybe you should stop reading her blog if it doesn't motivate you. Happy Wednesday. :)

  8. wow, what drama!

    I don't know this woman, but I know that saying "if you don't like it don't read it" certainly isn't defense to libel! and if the laws in your state are as outlined above, then it looks to me as if shes in trouble.

    Either way, it doesn't seem like a mature way to handle a situation for sure!

  9. @the person(s) that dislike this blog post

    I find this post to be VERY motivational as it shows triumph in the face of adversity. As nrmh says, if don't like the content, you're not being forced to read it. As for your "libel case":

    1. "Libel - to publish in print (including pictures), writing or broadcast through radio, television or film, an untruth about another which will do harm to that person or his/her reputation, by tending to bring the target into ridicule, hatred, scorn or contempt of others." I think the key word in this definition is "untruth". You may not like what you're reading, but that doesn't make them untrue. They are 100% true and there are witness to these acts that can support these actions.

    2. Nobody knows the invidivduals involed in this story as they are not, at any point named. The wording is ambiguous and if you were able to draw a parallel between this story and you or someone you know, that is your problem.

    3. I highly doubt the son of the person in this blog would be exposed to the content unless they were forced to read it. Also, being their son, he would be well aware of the abuse that took place in that house. This would not be something new to him.

  10. How about this,(insert name of abuser here), you're a bully who should consider the fact your own GUILT forced you into making these empty threats against Maria. YOU abused her and YOU will answer to God for what you have done. Go ahead and sue. She will prove every word of her "alleged" statements and you will go down the abusive loser that you are. You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

  11. Wow. Cyberstalking ex. Not cool, dude.

    This post is about a woman struggling in a situation that was not good for her that evolved out of her control. Then, she took control and changed her life.

    Sometimes two people just aren't good for each other, but the author of this post has every right to emotionally process these feelings, and she's doing it for the good of others. Stalker ex could be a super guy with another woman, and I sure hope he is. But, stalking this blog is creepy, and to comment is even worse. He should be ashamed.